The best thing I ever did for a clutter free mind is stop taking things personally!

I used to be one of those people that could spend entire days, sometimes months thinking about something someone said or did to me. 

This was also the time when I didn’t understand the advice to not take things personally.

“How can you not?” I used to disagree in my mind. If something was said or done to me, how is it possible to not take it personally.

It’s taken me so many life experiences, pain, healing and growth to finally understand what this statement truly means. 

Here it goes: Whatever people do or say to you is not about you; it is about them, their beliefs, their agenda and the way they feel about themselves. 

The other day an influencer in her 60s was raving about her age and how good she feels in her body and how she wouldn’t change anything about her life. 

In the comments I read someone telling her she’s old, she’s lying and she wishes she were young. 

My first reaction was anger; I felt the instant need to stand up for her because i wrongly assumed that this was a direct attack on the influencer.

Human curiosity made me check out the profile of the commenter.

The moment I visited his profile, I was proven about what I just said above about people’s words being about themselves and not about the person they are directing it to!

He was old himself. And he did not seem healthy or happy. He was writing a comment based on what HE was feeling. It had everything to do with him and nothing to do with her. 

Wanna hear a more PERSONAL story about this lesson?

When my ex husband and I were going through divorce, he stabbed me in the heart by doing this in court.

He stood in front of the judge with a straight face and lied that my babysitters did everything for me; that I didn’t like putting my kids to bed myself. He said that I never had to move a finger because all was all done for me by others.

As I stood there, a sudden wave of dizziness washed over me, my legs weakening beneath me, and the world seemed to spin out of control; I thought I was going to faint.

Make it stand out

You see, I consider my conscious way of parenting my biggest accomplishment in life.

I gave birth at home, 

I nursed for a total of 4 years and 4 months, 

I co slept with my babies. 

I was with them 24/7 until they each turned 3.

I homeschooled for kindergarten and the entire covid time

I did a co-op preschool with work days so that I could be more involved. 

If you are a mom and you haven’t done any of these things, I want to put a disclaimer here. Every mom knows what’s best for them and their kids in their circumstances, and every mom is doing the best that they can. Doing the things I mentioned above doesn’t mean I’m a better mom than you. It means I’m a better mom for my kids!

I am only pointing these things out to show what a blow it was to hear the complete opposite picture portrayed of me by someone I considered my best friend for 17 years. 

I did not object. I was so speechless that I lost my ability to talk. The judge must have thought it was true. 

Now let me explain the difference between taking it personally and not. 

If I took that personally, I would probably spend months paralyzed, just replaying those words in my mind over and over again filling my heart with anger, hate and frustration.

I would probably torture my mind to find a better comeback than complete silence. 

Instead I decided to NOT take it personally. It took me some time but I finally understood that what he did had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.

He was not doing this to hurt me. Well maybe a little, but the biggest reason he was doing it was because he wanted a specific outcome. He wanted to win in court because it would make his life better, easier, more convenient and more financially stable. 

The minute you realize it is not about you, it gives you freedom. 

Does this understanding excuse their behavior? Does it mean we have to be ok with what happened? Absolutely not! 

But the minute we realize their actions are a mirror of their values and not a direct attack towards us, we can make smarter choices about the future instead of being stuck in the prison of our emotional mind and/or the past.

I decided to cut him out of my life and move on. Now it’s your turn. 

I would love to hear from you. What is one thing that was ever said or done to you that you can’t BUT take it personally?